We all have activities we’re drawn to in theory. Surfing. Hiking. Learning piano. Hosting dinner parties.
And then there are the things we find really easy to actually do. Netflix most evenings. The same comfortable restaurant. Scrolling through our phones.
There’s often a gap between the life we imagine living and the life we’re actually living. And it’s not about willpower or motivation.
It’s the Effort:Enjoyment Ratio. (EE Ratio)
And once you understand it, you’ll stop fighting yourself and start designing a life you actually enjoy living.
The Formula:
Every activity in your life has two measurements:
Effort: How much work, discomfort, complexity, or friction is involved in doing it.
Enjoyment: How much pleasure, satisfaction, meaning, or reward you get from it.
Your brain is constantly calculating the ratio between these two. Usually, without you realising it. If the effort is low and the enjoyment is high, you do it repeatedly without thinking. If the effort is high and the enjoyment is low, you avoid it completely, no matter how much you claim to want it.
For any activity to become part of your actual life (not just your aspirational life), the ratio needs to be fractional. Enjoyment must significantly outweigh effort. If it doesn’t, you simply won’t do it. Not because you’re lazy. Because the maths doesn’t work.
Real-World Examples:
Let me show you how this works in my own life.
Why I Never Go Surfing:
I live three minutes from the beautiful coastline. Perfect for surfing. There are surfers out there constantly. It looks brilliant. I love the idea of surfing – the freedom, one with nature, away from the crowds, just me and the fresh, exciting elements.
But I never go. Not once or twice a year. Never. Why? Let’s calculate the ratio:
Effort:
- Find the wetsuit (somewhere in the house)
- Squeeze into cold, damp neoprene
- Find the board and carry it down to the beach
- Paddle out through cold water
- Wait around for waves that might not come
- Get cold, tired, maybe frustrated
- Paddle back in exhausted
- Rinse sand off everything
- Peel off the wetsuit (hardest part)
- Hang it somewhere to dry without making a mess
- Clean and store the board
Effort score: 5/5
Enjoyment:
- A lot of time waiting around
- Maybe catch a few waves if I’m lucky
- Feel good for those brief moments
- A bit of exercise and fresh air
Enjoyment score: 2/5
Ratio: 5:2
Effort massively outweighs enjoyment. So despite living by the sea, despite being surrounded by surfers, despite genuinely liking the idea, my brain does the maths and says: absolutely not worth it.
And my brain is right. The experience isn’t bad. The ratio is terrible. So I never go. And I’ve stopped feeling guilty about it.
Why I Watch and Coach Rugby:
I’m involved with rugby multiple times a week. Watching games, coaching sessions, thinking about strategy.
Effort:
- Plan a session (lots of great resources to help with this)
- Show up to the pitch or turn on the TV
- Pay attention to what’s happening
- Think about tactics and player development
- Have conversations about the game
Effort score: 2/5
Enjoyment:
- Love watching the sport
- Enjoy developing players
- Get satisfaction from seeing improvement
- Energised by the strategic thinking
- Community and connection with others who love it
Enjoyment score: 5/5
Ratio: 2:5
Low effort, high enjoyment. Perfect fractional ratio. So I do it constantly without even thinking about it. It’s not something I have to motivate myself to do. It’s just part of my life because the ratio works brilliantly.
Why I Write Books:
I write regularly. Books, articles, content. It’s a significant part of what I do.
Effort:
- Sit down and think
- Organise thoughts into a coherent structure
- Actually write the words
- Edit and refine
- Push through moments of uncertainty
Effort score: 4/5 (it takes time and focus, but it’s not arduous)
Enjoyment:
- I genuinely enjoy thinking deeply about ideas
- Love the process of finding the right words
- Get satisfaction from creating something that didn’t exist
- Feel energised by exploring concepts
- Find the whole process fun
Enjoyment score: 5/5
Ratio: 4:5
The effort is real. Writing requires focus and time. But the enjoyment significantly outweighs it. So I write consistently. Not because I force myself. Because the ratio works for me. Other people find writing torture. For them, the effort might be a 5 and the enjoyment a 1. Ratio: 5:1. They’ll never write regularly, no matter how much they say they want to.
More Real-Life Examples:
Why people say they love hiking but never go:
The effort of finding a good route, checking the weather, packing gear, driving somewhere, dealing with parking, actually hiking (which is tiring), driving home tired and dirty is probably a 4.
The enjoyment of nice views and fresh air is probably a 3.
Ratio: 4:3. Not compelling. So they stay home and feel vaguely guilty about it.
Why people scroll social media for hours:
The effort of picking up your phone and opening an app is literally a 1.
The enjoyment of tiny dopamine hits, mild entertainment, feeling connected is maybe a 2 or 3.
Ratio: 1:3. Excellent. So people do it constantly without even deciding to.
Why people don’t maintain friendships:
The effort of coordinating schedules (texts back and forth for days), travelling to meet (finding parking, tube delays), spending several hours together (getting dressed properly, being “on”) is probably a 3 or 4.
The enjoyment of quality time with a friend is probably a 4 or 5.
But a 4:5 ratio isn’t compelling enough when you’re tired on a Tuesday evening. So friendships slowly fade and everyone wonders why.
Why people watch the same TV shows on repeat:
The effort of finding something new to watch, risking it being terrible, investing in new characters is probably a 2.
The enjoyment of a familiar, comforting show you’ve seen before is probably a 2.
Ratio: 2:2. Even ratio means you’ll often choose the easier option, which is rewatching Friends for the eighth time.
Why people don’t learn musical instruments:
The effort of finding time to practice, tolerating how terrible you sound, pushing through frustration, making slow progress is probably a 5.
The enjoyment of being slightly better at an instrument you’re still bad at is maybe a 2 in the early stages.
Ratio: 5:2. Terrible. So people quit after three weeks and the guitar sits in the corner gathering dust.
The Insight:
We’re often not living our aspirational life because our aspirational life has terrible ratios.
All those things we think we “should” do, surfing, hiking, learning languages, hosting dinner parties, they often have high effort scores and uncertain enjoyment scores.
Meanwhile, all the things we actually do have low effort scores and reliable enjoyment scores. Or, like writing books or coaching rugby, they have effort, but the enjoyment is so high that the ratio still works brilliantly.
Our brains aren’t broken. They’re just doing maths.
This Changes Everything:
Once you understand the ratio, you stop fighting yourself. You stop feeling guilty about never surfing when you live by the beach. The ratio doesn’t work. You stop beating yourself up for watching TV instead of reading. The TV ratio is better. You stop promising yourself you’ll “definitely go hiking this weekend.” You probably won’t. The ratio isn’t compelling enough.
Instead, you have two options:
1. Accept the ratio and stop pretending.
Maybe you don’t actually want to surf. You like the idea of being someone who surfs. But the actual experience, when you honestly calculate effort versus enjoyment, isn’t worth it for you. That’s fine. Stop putting “go surfing more” on your list. You’re not going to do it. And that’s not a moral failing. I’ve accepted I’m not a surfer. I live by the sea and I’m surrounded by people who surf. But the ratio doesn’t work for me. So I do other things by the sea instead.
2. Change the ratio.
If you genuinely want to do something, you need to change the maths.
Reduce the effort:
Want to surf more? Keep the wetsuit in your car, ready to go. Buy a rash vest instead (way easier than a full wetsuit). Go to a beach with easy parking right by the water. Go for 20 minutes, not two hours.
Suddenly the effort drops from a 5 to a 2. With enjoyment still at 2, you’ve got a 2:2 ratio. Much more doable.
Want to maintain friendships? Stop trying to coordinate elaborate dinners. Just text: “Coffee tomorrow at 3pm?” Yes or no. Ten minutes, not three hours.
Effort drops from 4 to 2. With enjoyment at 5, you’ve got a 2:5 ratio. You’ll actually do it.
Increase the enjoyment:
Want to exercise? Stop doing workouts you hate. Find something you actually enjoy. Maybe it’s not the gym. Maybe it’s dancing, or climbing, or walking whilst listening to podcasts.
If you can push enjoyment from a 2 to a 4, suddenly a 4:4 ratio becomes compelling.
Want to read more? Stop trying to read worthy books you think you should read. Read thrillers. Read romance. Read whatever you actually enjoy.
Reading Dostoevsky: Effort 4, Enjoyment 2. Ratio: 4:2. Won’t happen.
Reading a page-turner: Effort 3, Enjoyment 4. Ratio: 3:4. Will actually happen.
The Life You’ll Actually Live:
Stop designing your life based on who you think you should be.
Start designing it based on what ratios actually work for your brain.
You don’t have to be someone who surfs, or hikes, or bakes sourdough, or speaks three languages.
You can be someone who coaches rugby, writes books, goes to the cinema, cooks simple dinners, and meets friends for quick coffees.
That’s not settling. That’s being honest about what ratios work for you.
The Key Understanding:
Your current life, the one you’re actually living, is the one with the best ratios.
Everything you’re doing regularly, you’re doing because the effort:enjoyment maths works.
Everything you’re not doing, no matter how much you claim to want it, has ratio problems.
So stop fighting the maths. Work with it.
Design a life where the things you want to do have ratios that actually work for your brain.
Not someday when you’re more motivated. Now. With the brain you have. With the life you’re actually living.
Because the goal isn’t to live someone else’s life with better ratios.
The goal is to live your life with ratios that actually work.
What ratios work for you?
